ONE SOURCE ENERGY

Certainly I will continue my rant, you didn't think it likely I had stopped did you?

You know when we speak of one source of energy I sometimes wonder if people instantly start thinking in terms of electricity bills.

There is no easy way to deal with money.  Little bits of paper.  Typed numerals on a page.  That is, in almost complete honesty, all that money represents to me.

Often I get a hard time for what I do, or what it appears I lack the need to do.  Which indeed is true.  I do lack the need.  My need is to make life more enjoyable in any small ways that I can for other people.  Not in a selfish or in a handing myself over type of way, I have been wrong in my approach throughout my lifetimes enough to know that I am reaching a pinnacle point of understanding.

I will no longer give my joy away.  I will share it with those who wish to embrace it, I will dance with those who are also dancing.  I will,  in any way, shape or form possible, ensure that my loved ones are smiling.  Though I now understand that I can not make them smile.

The thoughts that bounce within the confines of your head can only ever be amplified.  If you are in a state of anger most of the time, anger will be amplified.  If you are in a state of worry, worry will be amplified. I understand that many people would have already reacted strongly to these words. What we should be focusing on are happy thoughts amplifying more happy thoughts.

"That's easy for you to say" well actually yes.  Yes it is.  Not because I believe it to be an easy process but because I have come through the process myself.  I sat tonight and watched what was in some respects a screen play of a life I have lived in this physical existence.  I watched a young girl sobbing in the emergency ward as the nurse bandaged her wrist.  I watched a woman doubled over holding her stomach whilst her eyes screamed for nothing more then a hit of morphine.  And finally I saw myself now.  Sitting with a much loved family member.  Being a calm, responsible and to my utmost surprise, stable, person.

It was in some ways a shock.  seeing those other lives I have lived.  I watched that young girl and her best friend who was trying to keep her calm.  I heard the doctors fighting over who would be lucky enough not to deal with her.  In some ways I wanted to reach out and grab her by the shoulders and say, HONEY your all of about 23 years old, you have a lifetime of much worse pain, much more real emotion and intense lessons and I promise you, I PROMISE YOU that you have the power within yourself to stand up and amaze yourself at how good and how happy you can learn to be in the face of anything life throws at you.

Naturally had I attempted to say any of that I myself would have been committed given my mental history within the walls of that hospital, however.... This experience, that life time, and the other, the woman who was clearly just out for some morphine because she had run out of money for anything else, those lifetimes made me. 

Literally.  I am not kidding even in the slightest.  If I had the choice to do my entire life over I would not change a single thing.  Not one fraction of time.  Because whilst, as we said before, some people do find it easy to say 'just be happy' the key is actually in understanding the incredible depths of being unhappy and in understanding that the difference between the two is simply - yes simply - a matter of thought form.

When you are down it is so easy to look around and see everything as being so very bad.  Which in actual facts only leads for the opportunity for things to get worse.  If, when you are down you make an effort to do things you enjoy, you discover - as is the law of attraction - that joy envelops you once more.  en-joy.  envelop joy.  It is found in the smallest and most basic of things if it cant be found anywhere else.

I quite honestly remember at one point the only thing I was grateful for was my ability to go to the toilet.  Not physically, I don't mean physically, I mean in going to the toilet I had a time out from the world however brief it may have been.  And so from there I enveloped that small joy and enlarged that small joy by making the small enjoyment slightly bigger.  To this day my toilet walls are a shrine of positive affirmations, poems, prayers, drawings.  Essentially its just a small room you can close yourself away in for a moment and remind yourself of who you really are.

Occasionally I must remind myself how close I came to not being here today.  Occasionally I will stop and take a moment to be thankful to myself for surviving.  For finding the strength to continue when there was nothing left to continue with.  Oh I know its not easy just to 'be happy' when you are unhappy.  But its not impossible.  and whats more the secret lies in the fact that it is only ever as hard as you make it.  The more pressure you put on yourself to be happy the less happy you will be.  sometimes you need to give yourself permission to NOT be happy in order to regain your happy.

Trust me, I know this to be true.  at any given moment, the more you want something because you feel you should have it, the further away it gets.  The more you give in and surrender to the flow the easier life becomes.  The more you see yourself with the things that you wish to have the more you invite them into your life.

We are meant to ride this flow with these streamlined vessels that we have chosen.  We can fight it, free will dictates that we can and we do, do exactly what we like when we like.  But the more something angers, upsets, frustrates, depresses you the more you think about it, the more you think about it the more it angers upsets frustrates, depresses you, the more it angers, upsets, frustrates, depresses you the more you think about.  Its a vicious cycle that can only be broken by locating your joy and enveloping it. 

It could be as simple as working out that you enjoy eating a chicken roll every lunchtime.  enhance, envelop enjoy it - more.  Take smaller mouthfuls, FEEL how nice it is to enjoy something again. re- mind yourself of that feeling of joy, because I guarantee you that it has never actually left your mind, it has only ever been buried with that which you deemed more important than it.  Nothing is more important that your joy.

Sometimes life is all about baby steps. 

Right now, I am in love. I am finding it highly amusing and very very pleasant. I had actually long ago given up on the feeling of love.  I had encased myself with strong walls and protected myself from every angle.  Yet now I find the walls have simply blown away and I am bouncing through enjoying every moment of every day.  I could clarify that what I am in love with in this exact moment is life.  Who I am relishing the company of in this present minute is myself, yet I know without question that this feeling of having is bringing about the experience.  Right now Ill happily laugh it off as being about my new computer.

Whatever the case, good things happening to me and my family.  I know this to be true.  Some perceive them as difficult times, I just see change.  Change is a good thing.