"In his moment of congratulating himself his foot caught under a tree root and he fell flat on his face."

Naturally it stands to reason that the first thing I would write on my brand new flashy computer - which, I will add, I paid a small fortune extra for to have a 'good to go' service done on it - would be written in 'notepad'.

I did - FINALLY - upgrade my 'word 03' to 'word 10' which - upon my usual awakening moments of thinking 'I must write that down because its vitally important and could change the world' - was something that gave me an added buzz of excitement over this whole new computer deal.

I - being myself - find utmost joy in the smallest things really and yet here I find myself on the best computer I have had thus far, thinking : Why am I not using my brand new word 10? After all - the small voice in my head taunts me - I got 'good to go'

Apparently "good to go" means that whilst they will remove demo programs I don't need and install programs I do need, they will also omit the small part of the proceedings that would suggest that actually opening the program and running it to ensure it works would be a good idea.

Now I do realise this is nothing major. The words 'please enter your valid product key' are not so very serious when you do actually have a valid product key - unlike the version of word 07 that my laptop has been tormenting me with for the past two years - my point was that its not very 'good to go' is it?

Without tethering my new 'good to go' PC to my Iphone for Internet access - which I am still insanely impressed that I know how to do - I could'nt even play a game on it thanks to instant upgrades needed to 'direct x'  - whatever that actually is.

Now I'm not complaining about the actual physical service received here by any stretch of the imagination because - without a word of a lie - we are going to write to the company and praise the three young guys it took to put up with me and agree to my demands. Ideally the letter praising them wont actually end in them getting in trouble as I am really quite sure they are still wondering how on earth I got quite so much money off in the first place.

However, as seems to be the case with everything these days, nothing is as simple as it sounds.
I think the worlds greatest lie at the moment, one that even I am culpable of using, is "Yes, I have read the terms and conditions."

Are you SERIOUS?

153 pages of 'under act 3.5 of the most mundane and boring law every to be conceived it states in paragraph three in lower case and the occasional capitol letter that you, the reader, therein, the person whose eyes may or may not be connected to the brain reading this incredibly informative statement, may, depending on section 6.8 of the above mentioned document or may not, should section 14.3, paragraph eight occur, be asked for your email address'.

Hmm, let me think, read every word of 153 pages of THAT or simply tick the box that said I read it? No brainer. Tick the box, someone must have read it lately, it cant say anything to bad otherwise people would have sued them or done something equally as brilliant.

Then again, perhaps we all simply tick a box that says we read it whilst secretly agreeing to give all our worldly possessions to the person that wrote it. I must say even I would be slightly tempted to put a small clause like "In case of the writer of these terms and conditions seeing on her bank statement a balance of less then $50 you shall instantly forward her $10"

Hey I'm not greedy, the amount of people that wouldn't actually read the terms and conditions on something like 'word' and instantly agree to that, would mean that Id be a millionaire in two weeks and be done with it.

I must, in closing, explain the title of this blog. It would be entirely out of character for me not to be sentimental in the writing of the first 'Blah' on this computer, therefore, Tertof, lost in his magical wanderings - and due to the fact that he has just turned twelve years old and is my most talked about - yet still unknown - 'adventurer'. I feel he earned a right to be mentioned.

Well that and the fact that I woke up with that line out of my book in my head anyway.